...I was very tired out by the end of Thursday.
On the Wednesday, I had grabbed some hours in nature. I met a French-Canadian family - who were a bit lost in the vast National Park of The South Downs and whom I walked with up to the road (on which I live) and having given them the clearest directions to Rottingdean, where they were staying.
We discussed the area, I talked about the Norman settlement of Balsdean, and the Norman invasion of 1066....all of the castles and the French heritage, 11th century churches (I dared not mention that the Canadian pilots (WW2) had dropped bombs by unloading 'baggage' on a return flight onto the Norman church of Balsdean, in the valley, and that it was totally demolished - bar the alter stone that is still there. It is a great place to pray/meditate.
It was a nice chance meeting. The lady 'mum' of the group had said that I reminded her of 'Heidi'...I was very appreciative, and admitted that I had wanted to be Heidi, when I was a girl. I thought she was the best character. A good role model. She agreed with me that she, too, had wanted to be Heidi. We were then really laughing. (in the story, Heidi marries the goatherd 'Peter')... and she pointed out that her husband was called 'Peter'.
Anyway, we parted company and I was very pleased to have met them, just briefly. We kissed each other goodbye. It was nice....and she said, "You are SO nice...so nice to meet you" (aaawwwwww, that's just so lovely : )
I replied, "YOU are all so lovely, so nice to meet you too"
A little bit of mutual ego stroking.
I was quite ready to totally ditch Thursday, but I had two appointments 20 miles away. a 2:30pm and then a 4
I also had to sort out my router problem. The company had sent an engineer out a couple of weeks ago...I explained that I thought that the router was on it's way out and needed replacing...after all of the resets I have had to do.
He did not replace it and assured me that it would be fine. It wasn't, it crashed again.
So Thursday morning was about having back and forth, getting nowhere, conversations. Another engineer coming. That was that. Enough. I was thinking, "Why not send all your engineers out and we can have a f****** router party?"
"This is the thing. The router is old and is not fully functioning. I have had a Xerox engineer look at it who also agrees that this is the case...and I was surprised that the last engineer did not have a f****** new router in the van...you know, I work from home, it has inconvenienced me...it's given me loads of stress, and I have anxiety issues anyway...and really WTF did the engineer not have a new router...? I'm telling you, the router is the problem...really..also I don't think that I should pay the full bill for the last month...it's been really stressful for me..."
I was not angry, I was more like, nearly crying with frustration. I felt like crying, because I knew what the issue was, and they were not listening.
So, fine. Good. No bill for July. Cool. I should think so. Stress. I do not do it. It is extremely bad for health. I believe stress kills more people than cancer. Or that excessive stress can be the route cause of many health issues.
Drive. I drove to my appointment, through the leafy lanes and dappled sunlight. Blew away my annoyance.
It was good to get home. I had a small meltdown, emotional meltdown, and it was odd...just came up. I thought...ah, it's Cancer season (get prepared to feel more emotional than usual)
I realised that it was ok to have a moment or two, releasing more agua from the source...it's good to do...not comfortable, but my theory is that if you do not release emotions as they come up then they will just get stuck in your body and cause problems later. Similar to having a splinter and not removing it, until it gets really bad or septic. Crying alone is just fine - in a peaceful and darkish place. It's actually better...crying in front of people, it can scare people. I prefer to cry with my pooch and kitty, they are very loving and comforting to me. I don't have to explain to them..they just turn up and lay on the floor with me and do their rubbing, licking comforting stuff.
Which has reminded me of Friday. I had a couple of Barn Dance raffle fundraising things to attend to...the Coop form...it was a Corporate pile of s*** (well, to be expected)
My friend was not sure how to approach it, being the main fundraiser. I explained all of the questions required...form filling is something I have become adept at, yet still loathe and detest doing it. All of these invasive questions...blah, blah...a part of me wanted to write "None of your goddam business", so I continued with it anyway.
Then something snapped..I realised that I was sitting on the step, wanting to be elsewhere, filling out form in the name of £15-25 of shopping vouchers, or goods to the value of.
I wandered into the kitchen...and went into my mini-strop, "This is not worth the paper that it's written on, or my time, or anyone's time...it's a load of old corporate BS and I really cannot be a***d with it, and that manager woman looks like a funny little rat, a little ratty face. I don't like her. She is always really unfriendly when I shop there...."
Then I apologised for being bitchy and swearing, Ed the 'spread' was plastering and could not help listening in the background....he said, "No, it's fine, you go ahead...."
I was relieved not to have offended Mr Ed.'Spread' with my tourettes-mini-temper, cos he seemed like a nice chill guy and I had to let off some steam.
I had a mini-meltdown after that and thought how I'd rather be at the beach. I had to take my pooch to the vet. She needed her anal glands drained, again. She hates going. I have to bribe her into the doorway and tell her that it's all lovely. Then, it's so funny...she puts her tail between her legs and tries to look as if she is not there.
Once inside, she hid under a chair. Then I had to coax her onto the scales (lost .5 kilo since November) Fine, Summer. Normal.
Then to get her to the vet room...I had to scoop her up and carry her in and plonk her onto the treatment table.
It was funny. She's 18.4 kilos. I'm quite small and slight. My back and arms, and my body in general, still work.
This time, I did not need to muzzle her. It's just as easy to hold her lightly around the neck and talk to her about how good she is, while sweet-talking her that the experience of having her anal-glands drained will be lovely (well, not a lie...it will be lovely afterwards).
The vet has extraordinary 'vet's writing (like doctor's writing, largely illegible) and he is left-handed...I could read it. I like to watch left-handers write...it's looks very awkward and I feel as if they need an award for having to write in the wrong direction. It would make far more sense for a left-hander to write right to left. I have to decipher my own handwriting which is not always legible - but that's a speed thing, from having had to take notes a lot at colleges, and learning shorthand...and writing as fast as I think/feel.
After. While waiting in reception for the bill, I noticed a Bedlington Terrier and so did Jess.
Of course she went over, she's very nosey and sociable. Bedlington did not want to be bothered. Owner said he was noisy. I replied that Jess is nosey. Talked a bit about Bedlingtons and the size they tend to be, etc. Bedlington lady was looking at Jess, being very good and her usual lovely Jess-ness.
"She's beautiful, beautiful dog...is she..."
"Mainly Border Collie with Labrador, I think..."
"How old is she?"
"Twelve in August"
By now, I'm smiling a lot because of the compliment towards Jess.
"Oh, she looks much younger"
Yes, it's like having Lissy, as a baby. I was continuously having comments, "Oh she's such a dear little thing". "She's so beautiful, her eyes...they are amazing" (with her thick black lashes, yes) "What a lovely little girl"
It makes you feel quite proud.
I went on to discuss the exercise quota for 'working' dogs. Of course a Border Collie is the dog who needs the most exercise. How fortunate Jess is to have the Downs and an owner who likes to walk/run miles and get lost in nature. We are pretty much a perfect dog to owner match.
Friday evening was a big unwind. Laid on the kitchen floor rug with her, listening to music and looked at how beautiful she is. She has velvet ears and a proper hound face. She is a proper dog, that looks like a dog. I told her over and over again how beautiful she is and how she is the best dog in the history of canines...no argument. She really is (biased?) To me, she really is....and I actually believe that she is a very special and very gifted animal...
I think that 'Shep', on BBC Blue Peter, had an impact on me. 'Shep' was very hyper and really enthusiastic, stole the show, often. I think that the John Noakes and Shep bond was pretty solid. You could see that 'Shep' was the perfect dog for JN. Petra, on the other hand was much more suited to Peter Perves. How can I remember all of these details? I can't remember what I did last week.
The kitties, Jack and Jill ... they were quite random. Really beautiful markings, tabbies. I remember whenever they were needed on set, they would scarper....and especially if they were having close up.
I watched PB, mainly for the pets and the, 'Here's one I made earlier', which always made me laugh..."Yes, sure...you know, and we all know that it was the props department who made that space-rocket or whatever from cartons and bottle tops and other random items....don't keep saying that, you don't clearly know how to even use celotape (or 'sticky tape')"
It became an in joke with me and my mum...when they said "Here's one I made earlier", mum and I would roll our eyes and she would make a sarcastic remark and I would screw up my nose and laugh. We watched a lot of programmes together...only, mainly, the ones that she considered to be suitable. They were mainly educational. I was allowed the Saturday indulgence of morning TV...the zany stuff, but not for too long.
Saturday...turned out to have been the best day so far. Searing heat (any temperature below 20 is too cold for me) Too warm to be in the garden/Downs.....so I had no other option other than to get to the beach ; )
I had the best afternoon. No phone, no watch, no worries. Towel, sunnies, BB cap, water, lunch, bikini, book by the travel writer (and very acute funny guy) Bill Bryson - "Down Under". I completely relate to his dry/sarcastic and cursing humour. Sea. Most importantly, sea. I feel 100% better than I did on Thursday.
Kick back Sunday, I am sure. Beach, let's hope so. This weekend must be a small holiday for myself. I need it.
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