....It occurred to me, during the making of my Victim Statement - following the assault of 16/08/19 - that the accused is in custody and that I do not know how the court hearing will transpire (although I have inner knowing)
I was giving my statement yesterday and I mentioned how, given the law-in-my-hands, I would deal with the justice aspect of it.
I realised that there is still some latent anger, which I need to clear. Perhaps the 'anger' is actually driving me to seek justice.
How I would personally deal with the accused, is really not worth disclosing here. Although I might as well. It is very very dark and also very vindictive and ultimately the most unpleasant kind of justice. Tarantino style, effectively. This only reflects how hurt and upset I truly am.
I do not want to wish anything negative onto anyone. I like to see wickedness punished and good rewarded. That is fair.
Good karma, for good behaviour. Bad karma, for bad. It is the law of attraction. Karmic law.
Having fantasies about torture leading to death is my own personal way of dealing with the trauma and pain. It helps me to resolve my own anger, as a result of this situation.
I disclosed these dark fantasies yesterday. My Victim Statement Officer was very aware that it was my anger reacting to the situation.
I believe that the outcome will be fair. Fair within the judicial system. It is likely that my personal view in how to tackle and prevent violence against women is quite different. That any man who injures just a hair on a woman's head should be set up as example.
Think about it. Witch/Wiccan burning of the middle ages. Our grandmothers were persecuted, at the mercy of men/Patriarchy. Persecution from fear. That's a lot of ancestral injury.
In an ideal world, any man who has perpetrated a violent crime towards a virtuous or magical woman should be sentenced absolutely. Life sentence. Death sentence. Men will continue to harm women if they are not properly punished. They get away with it once, they will do it again.
My personal fantasy would be public castration. As a victim of the crime, I would oversee this and then cook said testes with a fried breakfast and watch the perpetrator eat them with tea/coffee to wash it down.
Then, same again, with penis. Cooked and eaten. Then a life sentence. I doubt, after this, that the accused would continue to abuse women.
The accused will be getting off lightly, in this case. Our judicial system is outdated, as it is and many crimes against women have simply slipped through the net.
If I were Queen for a day.
This is my extreme reaction to the incidents of abuse that I have already dealt with. It is a reaction to all of the men who have gotten away with abusive treatment to me and of women (generally). All of the men who have abused me. Extreme. When you have been extremely injured, you think extreme solutions. I know that this is not realistic in the real world. As I have said, this is my fantasy in helping me deal with the anger that I feel towards having been attacked and harmed by men. I do not expect anyone to understand this.
My anger will subside, in time. I will be able to look at the sense of it all. I will be able to forgive. I am already attempting to. Once my anger has subsided, I will forgive. I pray for me accused. I pray because he is a sick individual. Sick man in a sick world. Hurt people, hurt people. This does not negate the 'crime', this does not justify the attack. on all levels, to bully, intimidate and attack anyone - woman or man - is not acceptable. He needs help.
I will also forgive myself for being too trusting and easily deceived by people who are deceptive and for forgetting my safety. I am a single white female. I have to protect myself. I am all that I have. I require justice. I am enough.
My friend took some beautiful photographs of me yesterday while I was painting on my 'eye wings' with a liquid khol pen, wearing cream cotton and ivory satin. Light. Summery. I looked lovely and pretty. Mature and young, simultaneously. How we evolve. Metamorphosis. Like butterflies.
Everyone's beauty is unique. Real beauty is an essence from within.
I closely observed this, as a child, when I captured a caterpillar and watched it's metamorphosis in a large glass jar. Watching it transform from caterpillar to cocoon and then hatch from it's chrysalis and unfold, dry it's wings and then fly. It was magical. A 'Cabbage White' butterfly. As I remember.
Tunes of the day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptFegqTOYYc
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