This morning, after listening to Alanis Morisette, I was inspired to look up other well known people who have openly admitted to mental health issues. Particularly in relation to bi-polar disorder, eating disorder/anorexia/bulimia nervosa and anxiety.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUjIY_XxF1g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iuO49jbovg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UEWbTxmG9o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLHvb9V8Yzs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRJ_6JaTGLI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dH289KxkGw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgeqw7s00xg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMt3_p04XaQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90P0n5AlSlA
Mental illness is an enigma*. When I first went to find out about mental illness, it was following a complete nervous and mental breakdown. I was in an abyss of nothingness. I do not know how to describe what the symptoms and feelings are. Something like a vegetative state.
A vegetative state is absence of responsiveness and awareness due to overwhelming dysfunction of the cerebral hemispheres, with sufficient sparing of the diencephalon and brain stem to preserve autonomic and motor reflexes and sleep-wake cycles.
Non-functioning. After two weeks of doing little more than sleeping, with sleeping aids. I was admitted to an outpatients unit.
I believed, at the time, that I was to be there indefinitely.
What gutted me the most, at this time in my life, was that I thought I had lost my daughter. She was not yet three. She was being brought up by my sister, her partner their friends and various nannies. I could only see her in the evenings. I could read to her at night. That was the maximum that I could do for her, and it broke my heart. It broke my heart to see her face, so excited to see me in the afternoon/evening, when I could give her so little. I felt as if I was a failure, as a mother, and that everyone perceived me as such.
We were quite ostracised by other parents at the school. There were a few parents, with their daughters, whom we got to know. The staff and teachers were very understanding and kind. My daughter was happy at primary school. I started to go in to the school, when I could, to help them with art and craft projects and the costumes for the nativity play. I felt highly protective of her, and myself.
As I slowly recovered, I was able to spend more time with her. The park. At first we needed supervision, and with time I could take her myself and we played and I started to feel a bit more able, as her mother.
I read a book, which was a candid interview, with Spike Milligan, in which he openly discussed his breakdowns, manic-depression and depression throughout his career. It was bitter sweet. Funny, touching and very, very sad. The best bit....was the openness with which he discussed the 'breakdowns' and the 'manic-depression'. After this I read a book by Dr Kay Redfield-Jamison
'An Unquiet Mind' and then 'Touched with Fire'. Both candid descriptions of mental illness from a Dr's, and slightly more scientific, viewpoint. These books were invaluable to me and I thank my sister who was well enough in her life to have lead me to read them.
At this time, Stephen Fry came forward to discuss his mental health condition. I remember it well. I read it, and then heard interview. I was impressed and thankful.
More recently I read a disclosure, in a magazine in a surgery waiting room, from Catherine Zeta-Jones (which I identified with strongly, from an artist/mother/woman's perspective) All of these books, articles, interviews are inspiring to me.
Since these books were published, mental health research has taken leaps and bounds through both medical research and more published information as well as modern and more efficient medical treatment.
At the time that I was very ill (2001-2003) during and following breakdown No. 3, there was very much less help. The hospital I attended was and old Victorian (once asylum) and some patients were still having ECT
Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is a procedure, done under general anesthesia, in which small electric currents are passed through the brain, intentionally triggering a brief seizure. ECT seems to cause changes in brain chemistry that can quickly reverse symptoms of certain mental health conditions.
This is actually a barbaric treatment and I have not ever seen a patient doing well on it.
There is now, thankfully, a lot less stigma attached to the 'disorder'of mental illness, and it is more possible to acquire knowledge on modern treatment and understanding of the illness, showing that is possible to live with a mental illness successfully.
One of the most practical ways of dealing with it is about self-care, having friends who understand and a good medical team behind you. And acceptance. Acceptance that mental illness does not make you a social misfit, or a freak, a failure, a bad person or a lesser being.
On the occasions that I struggle, or find myself struggling with bipolar disorder (which is not often, as I am very into my self-care and wellbeing) I have learned to tell myself that I am not alone and that I am not being judged for being 'different'. I have learned to embrace the 'disorder' and not try to repel myself for being 'flawed'. Helping me to embrace the 'disorder' (which is not my identity, or label) is to write, research or find a list of 'well-known' 'others', who have openly disclosed their 'disorders' All of this helps to not only de-stigmatise mental health issues, but to show us that you can be amazing with mental health disorders..
I accept that nobody knows me. I accept all of my broken friendships and relationships - which have contributed to breakdowns and depression. How were they to know? I accept my darkness of my deep depressions (that scare me, more than anyone else) and I accept my lightness (when I have strength and brightness to help myself and others). I accept the polarity of the disorder that is known as 'bipolar disorder', because though this label does not define me, it has helped me to understand, research and live with it - without shame. It is a part of who I am. I am comfortable with it. "All the best people are mad", Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carrol (who started to pen the book in Sussex Square Gardens, Brighton) Mostly, I do not consider myself to be a victim.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjWWsp0tjtg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWtVgonl4Kg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6m1jEK5f0o
I have stopped beating myself up for having considered myself to have been a 'bad or 'absent mother'. I have always done my best, even at my worst.
I am now extremely proud of her and our relationship.. My daughter is very independent, she is just completing a degree in Design, at Kingston University. She has only just recovered a broken ankle. When she was at her worst, she came to me. I was not in the best place, myself (after my mother passed away I was enduring a fourth breakdown) She understands that I will never be angry with her or at her. I will always be calm and rational and help her to see what it is that she might need to do. I will never stop being her mother. It's impossible, because that is who I am. It's unconditional. I keep going because of this. The times that I have wanted to fall off a cliff, or of a station platform, or simply overdose.... her presence in the world has stopped me. Her father (RIP) had said that she would be good for me, and vice-versa. That children are a gift. He was right. To me, she is still a child - our child, in many respects. Twenty-one is not 'grown'. Twenty-one is a tangible age, still moulding one-self into adult life.
I will be attending her graduation in July, with her grandfather. We are the best cheerleaders. We like applause and we give applause, generously. Credit, where credit is due. I will still need to take a box of tissues. I will get emotional. Correction, I will get ridiculously over-emotional - y'know, the kind of emotional where onlookers might feel embarrassed for you - but not in front of my daughter. I will be in the seated audience and will get it together for the 'after bit'.
I will hope to meet some of the people who have been involved in my daughter's success. I hope that she will be proud of me showing up to support her and showing 'me' being SO proud of her. And I hope that someone might say that they are pleased to meet me. I hope that we have the best day.
I hope that she feels SO proud of herself. Attaining and completing a degree, with honours, is no easy undertaking (especially with a handicap for the last year) And I know that she is aiming for a first degree with honours because she would be disappointed with anything less.
I will remember my own graduation, when she was seven, and she was watching me get my award for my History of Art Diploma, Feb. 2005 from Sussex University - awarded by Sir Richard Attenborough, the then Chancellor.
I did not attend my final degree ceremony for my honours award, in 2010, because of particular circumstances. I thought that I had not done too well in my last year. I was more focussed on my painting. I had some heavy work deadlines and for an exhibition in Portugal, Somerset, Sussex and The Brighton Festival Open House. I was pretty overwhelmed with how much I had taken on.
Just at this point my dear friend, Bridget (RIP) (from Uni when I was studying at Lancaster 19886-88) had come to visit after some very invasive breast cancer operations and chemo. She had been butchered by the surgeon and was a hot mess. I looked after her for a couple of days and I was exhausted. I was probably burnt out, without realising.
It was the last time that I saw her. I kinda knew this, at the time. I had to explain why I was late to inviglilate at my Open House. I burst into tears, because they thought I was shirking my responsibilities. Once I had explained, about my visitor, they brought me a hot cuppa and a piece of cake.
Then, my college friend came to see me, Jan. She was freaking out about our dissertation deadline. She had opted not to do it. Jan died about a year later, of cancer. Bridget died a couple of Autumns ago. Her daughter, Angelica, phoned me with the news at the same time a tire burst on the car.
That night I looked at the stars and I knew that she was up there.
My life has been an extreme struggle, and these days I am tired. I keep calm and carry on, because there is nothing else to do. I go at my pace, I do not over stress myself and I do not allow others to stress me. Those who create drama and chaos, have no access 'access denied'. I have learned to say 'No' and to walk away from situations that do not serve my higher good, or upset my stability - which is s fine balance. It's difficult to say no to people, especially if you care about them. My health and sanity is tantamount to my existence.
All of the names listed below have publicly acknowledged and admitted to their struggles with mental health concerns or a mental illness as a means to help others and themselves. This list is used in many publications to help fight the stigma and discrimination that takes place for those affected by a mental health concern/mental illness and thus keeps them from getting help, treatment and the understanding they need and deserve. I did not compile this list … national advocacy organizations and some government agencies dealing with mental health issues compiled these names to help inspire hope – that others would seek help and to realize that they are not alone in their struggles.
I am not alone.
Paula Abdul, Musician. Bulimia. Lionel Aldridge, Green Bay Packers football player of the 1960’s. Schizophrenia Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin, Astronaut. Depression. Alexander the Great, Monarch. Depression. Hans Christian Anderson, Author. Bipolar. Louie Anderson, Comedian, actor. Depression. Beatrice Arthur, Actress (The Golden Girls, Maude). Depression. Roseanne Barr, Actress, writer, comedienne. Depression, Agoraphobia. Rona Barrett, Columnist. Depression. Syd Barrett, Musician, the band Pink Floyd. Schizophrenia and depression Lionel Barrymore, Actor (Hamlet). Depression, nervous breakdown. Drew Barrymore, Actress. Depression. Kim Basinger Actress (Movie Batman). Panic, anxiety disorder. Samuel Becket Writer. Depression. Ned Beatty Actor. Bipolar. Ludwig van Beethoven Composer. Bipolar. Menachem Begin Former Prime Minister of Israel. Depression. Irving Berlin Composer. Depression. Leonard Bernstein Composer. Depression. Charles “Buddy” Bolden Schizophrenia. Napoleon Bonaparte Emperor of France. Depression. Daniel Boorstin Former Presidential Advisor. Bipolar. Clara Bow Actress in silent movies. Depression. Kenneth Branagh Actor (movie The Wild Wild West). Depression. Marlon Brando Actor (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now). Depression. Willy Brandt German Chancellor. Depression. Art Buchwald Columnist. Depression. Tim Burton Movie director (Beetlejuice, Batman). Depression. Barbara Bush Former First Lady. Depression. Nicholas Cage Actor (Birdy, Peggy Sue Got Married) Anxiety disorder. Earl Campbell Football player. Panic disorder. Naomi Campbell Model. Anxiety disorder Jose Cansero Baseball player. Depression. Truman Capote Writer. Depression. Drew Carey Actor, comedian. Depression. Jim Carrey Actor (Ace Ventura, The Mask). Depression. Dick Cavett Broadcaster. Bipolar. Ray Charles Musician (Hit The Road Jack, Georgia On My Mind). Depression. Paddy Chayefsky Writer, movie director. Depression. Winston Churchill Bipolar. Eric Clapton Musician (Tears in Heaven, Let It Rain). Depression. Dick Clark Entertainer (American Bandstand). Depression. John Cleese Actor, comedian (Monty Python). Self-confessed Manic. Rosemary Clooney Singer. Depression. Ty Cobb Athlete. Depression. Natalie Cole Singer. Depression. Judy Collins Musician (Send in the Clowns). Depression. Jeff Conaway Actor (TV series Taxi). Depression. Calvin Coolidge Former U.S. President. Depression. Francis Ford Coppola Movie director (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now). Bipolar Noel Coward Playwrite, actor, composer. Depression. Sheryl Crow Singer (Strong Enough, Soak Up The Sun). Depression. Rodney Dangerfield Comedian. Bobby Darin Singer, actor (Mack The Knife, If I Were A Carpenter). Depression Charles Darwin Explorer. Depression. Ray Davies Musician (The Kinks). Depression. King David Israeli King. Depression. Sandra Dee Actress. Depression. Ellen DeGeneres Comedienne, actress. Depression. John Denver Singer/Actor. (Take Me Home Country Roads, Oh God). Depression Johnny Depp Actor (21 Jump Street, Edward Scissorhands). Anxiety disorder Charles Dickens One of the greatest authors in the English language (A Christmas Carol, A Tale of Two Cities). Depression. Emily Dickinson Poet. Depression. Tony Dow Actor (Leave It To Beaver). Depression. Robert Downey Jr. Actor. (Less Than Zero, Chaplin). Bipolar. Richard Dreyfuss Actor (Jaws, What About Bob). Depression. Kitty Dukakis Wife of Prominent politician. Bipolar.. Patty Duke Actress. Bipolar. Thomas Eagleton U.S. Senator. Depression. Thomas Edison Inventor. Depression. T.S. Eliot Poet. Depression. Queen Elizabeth I Monarch. Depression. Ron Ellis Hockey player. Depression. William Faulkner Writer. Depression. James Farmer Civil Rights Leader. Depression. Jules Feiffer Cartoonist/Satirist. Depression. Sally Field Actress (The Flying Nun, Norma Rae). Anxiety disorder. Sarah Ferguson Duchess of York. Depression. Carrie Fisher Actress and writer (Star Wars). Bipolar. Eddie Fisher Actor / Singer. Depression. F.Scott Fitzgerald Writer. Depression. Jane Fonda. Actress (Coming Home, On Golden Pond). Bulimia. Betty Ford Former U.S. First Lady. Depression. Harrison Ford Actor (Star Wars, Working Girl). Depression. Steven Foster Writer. Depression Connie Francis Singer. Bipolar. Aretha Franklin Singer (Natural Woman, Pink Cadilac). Panic anxiety disorder Sigmund Freud Psychiatrist. Depression. Peter Gabriel Musician. (In You Eyes). Depression. Judy Garland Actress (The Wizard of Oz, A Star Is Born). Depression. James Garner Actor (The Rockford Files). Depression. King George III Monarch. Depression. Mel Gibson Actor/director. (Mad Max, Lethal Weapon). Depression. Kit Gingrich (Newt’s mother). Depression. Tracy Gold Actress (Growing Pains). Anorexia. Tipper Gore Public Figure. Depression Phil Graham Owner of the Washington Post. Depression. Cary Grant Actor. Depression. Peter Green Guitarist for the band Fleetwood Mac. Depression. Shecky Greene Comedian. Bipolar, Panic Disorder. Alexander Hamilton Politician. Depression. Linda Hamilton Actress (The Terminator, TV series Beauty and the Beast). Bipolar Mariette Hartley Actress (Goodnight Beantown). Bipolar. Nathanial Hawthorne Writer. Depression. Ernest Hemingway Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist. Bipolar, Anxiety disorder Margaux Hemingway Actress. Depression. Audrey Hepburn Actress (My Fair Lady). Depression. Sir Anthony Hopkins Actor (The Elephant Man). Depression. Howard Hughes. Movie producer, multi-millionaire. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Paranoia, recluse. Victor Hugo Author (The Hunchback of Notre Dame). Depression. Jack Irons Musician from group Pearl Jam. Bipolar. Andrew Jackson Former U.S. President. Depression. Thomas Jefferson Former President. Depression. Jeremiah Biblical leader. Depression. Job Biblical Leader. Depression. Billy Joel Musician (Allentown, Uptown Girl). Depression. Elton John Musician (Crocodile Rock, Sad Songs). Depression. James Joyce Author (Ulysses). Panic Disorder. Lyndon Baines Johnson Former President. Depression. Ashley Judd Actress. Depression. Naomi Judd Musician (No One Else On Earth). Panic disorder. Karen Kain Prima Ballerina. Depression. Danny Kaye Entertainer. Depression. John Keats Poet. depression. Margot Kidder Actress (Superman, The Amityville Horror). Bipolar Larry King Talk show host. Depression. Joey Kramer Musician from group Aerosmith. Depression. Kris Kristopherson Actor, singer (Mask, Blade). Depression. Veronica Lake Actress (The Glass Key). Schizophrenia. Jessica Lange Actress (Tess, King Kong remake). Depression. Frances Lear (Ex-wife of All in the Family creator Norman Lear). Bipolar Robert E. Lee U.S. General. Depression. Vivien Leigh Actress (Gone with the Wind). Bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder John Lennon Musician (The Beatles). Depression. Meriwether Lewis (Explorer of Lewis and Clark fame). Depression. Abraham Lincoln One-time US President. Depression, nervous breakdown. Mary Todd Lincoln Wife of Abraham Lincoln. Depression. Jack London Writer. Depression. Greg Louganis U.S. diver and Olympic gold medallist. Depression. Courtney Love Musician. Depression. John Madden Football coach. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Howie Mandel Actor, comedian (St. Elsewhere). Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Martin Luther Protestant leader. Depression. Robert McFarlane Former United States National Security Adviser. Depression Sarah McLachlan Singer, Lilith Fair creator. Depression. Kristy McNichol Actress (TV series Family). Depression. Burgess Meredith Actor (Rocky, Grumpy Old Men, TV Batman) Bipolar. Michelangelo One of the world’s greatest artistic geniuses (The Sistine Chapel) Depression Carmen Miranda Dancer, actress. Alanis Morissette Musician (Ironic). Depression, anxiety. Sir John A. MacDonald Britain Prime Minister Ann Margaret Actress. Depression. Marilyn Monroe Actress (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes). Depression. J.P. Morgan Industrialist. Claude Monet Artist. Depression. Edward Munch Artist (The Scream). Schizophrenia. John Nash Mathematician, Nobel Prize Winner, “A Beautiful Mind”. Schizophrenia Isaac Newton Scientist. Manic-Depression. Stevie Nicks Musician (Fleetwood Mac). Depression. Friedrich Nietzsche Philosopher. Dementia. Vaslov Nijinsky Dancer. Schizophrenia. Florence Nightingale British nurse. Depression. Richard Nixon Former U.S. president. Depression. Deborah Norville Television journalist. Depression. Ralph Nader Advocate. Depression. Nebuchadnezzar Biblical figure. Depression. Eugene O’Neill Playwright. Clinical Depression. Sinead O’Connor Musician (Nothing Compares To You). Depression. Rosie O’ Donnell Comedian, actress, talk show host. Depression. Laurence Olivier Actor. Depression. Tony Orlando Singer (Knock Three Times, Tie A Yellow Ribbon). Manic, depression Donny Osmond Musician. Panic-anxiety disorder. Marie Osmond Musician. Depression. Ozzy Osbourne Musician. Depression. Dolly Parton Singer. Depression General George Patton Military leader. Depression. Jackson Pollock Artist. Depression. Charlie Pride Singer. Depression. Jimmy Piersall Baseball player for the Boston Red Sox. Bipolar. Charles Parker Musician. Depression. Dolly Parton Singer (Here You Come Again). Depression. Teddy Pendergrass Musician. Depression. Edgar Allen Poe Author (The Raven). Depression. Cole Porter Composer. Depression. Theodore Roosevelt President of the United States. Bipolar. Bonnie Raitt Musician (Something To Talk About, Thing Called Love). Depression Lou Reed Singer (Take A Walk On The Wild Side). Depression Joan Rivers Comedian. Depression. Norman Rockwell Artist. Depression. Axel Rose Musician. Bipolar. Winona Ryder Actress (Mermaids, Beetlejuice). Depression. Axel Rose Musician (Guns and Roses). Depression. Charles Schultz Cartoonist (Peanuts). Anxiety. Willard Scott. Newscaster. Panic disorder. Monica Seles Tennis player. Depression. Ally Sheedy Actress (The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire). Bulimia. Robert Louis Stevenson Writer (Treasure Island, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) Depression Howard Stern Talk show host. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Donna Summer Singer (Last Dance, Heaven Knows). Depression. Gordon Sumner (Sting) Musician (The Police). Depression. Rod Steiger Actor (Movie In The Heat of the Night). Depression. Mary Shelley Author (Frankenstein). Depression. Richard Simmons Exercise guru. Anorexia, Bulimia. Carley Simon Musician (Anticipation, You’re So Vain). Social phobia, panic disorder Neil Simon Playwrite (The Odd Couple, The Sunshine Boys). Depression. Paul Simon Musician (Sounds of Silence, Mother and Child Reunion). Depression Diane Spencer One-time Princess of Whales. Depression. Rick Springfield Musician and actor (General Hospital). Depression. Darryl Strawberry Baseball player. Depression. George Stephanopoulos Political analyst. Depression. Ben Stiller Comedian and actor (Analyze This). Bipolar. Barbara Streisand Singer, actress (A Star Is Born, Evergreen). Social phobia, anxiety Leo Tolstoy Author (War and Peace). Depression. James Taylor Musician (Fire And Rain, Your Smiling Face). Depression. Livingston Taylor Musician (Brother of James). Depression. Mike Tyson Boxer. Depression. Jean Claude Van Damme Actor. Bipolar. Dylan Thomas Poet. Depression. Spencer Tracy Actor (The Bells of Saint Mary). Depression. Ted Turner Businessman. Bipolar. Mark Twain Author (Huckleberry Finn). Bipolar. Tracy Ullman Actress, comedian, singer). Bipolar. Vincent Van Gogh Artist. Bipolar. Vivian Vance Actress (I Love Lucy). Depression. Ben Vereen Actor, dancer. (Roots). Depression. Queen Victoria Monarch. Depression. Sol Wachtler Judge. Depression. Tom Waits Musician. Depression. Mike Wallace Television Journalist. Depression. George Washington First U.S. President. Depression. Damon Wayans Comedian, actor, writer, director, producer. (In Living Color, Scary Movie). Depression Walt Whitman Poet. Depression. Frank Lloyd Wright Architect. Depression. Robin Williams Actor (Mork and Mindy, Moscow on the Hudson). Bipolar, Attention deficit, hyperactivity. Tennessee Williams Playwright. Depression Brian Wilson Musician (The Beach Boys). Depression. Oprah Winfrey Actress, talk show host. Anxiety. Jonathan Winters Comedian. Depression. Thomas Wolfe Writer. Depression. Ed Wood Movie director (Plan 9 From Outer Space). Depression. Natalie Wood Actress (Miracle On 34th Street, West Side Story). Depression Virginia Woolf Novelist. Bipolar. Tammy Wynette Singer. Depression Boris Yeltsin Former President of Russia. Depression. Robert Young Actor (Marcus Welby). Depression.
I will add:
Spike Milligan Manic depression, breakdowns
Kay Redfield-Jamieson manic depression
Catherine Zeta-Jones Bipolar disorder
Stephen Fry Bipolar disorder, breakdowns
a person or thing that is mysterious or difficult to understand.
"Madeleine was still an enigma to him"
synonyms:mystery, puzzle, riddle, conundrum, paradox, problem, unsolved problem, question,question mark, quandary, a closed book
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