...she is lovely.
The best thing about Virginia, at the Redleaf, is that she is always very gentle and kind. She is always a little frayed, elegant, other-wordly and always well-mannered and non-invasive.
She once described me to my Pa as, 'magnificent'. He looked at her, surprised, and she said 'Don't you think so?'
I must say, that I was slightly taken a back. Nobody has ever described me as 'magnificent'. Weird, crazy, funny, pretty, nice, kind, lovely, talented, beautiful (and some negative nouns, for sure)...'magnificent'..that's a word that means 'extremely beautiful, elaborate, or impressive'.
So, you can imagine how surprised I was to hear it. I just regard myself as a hard-working, single, straight, white (ish) female.
I suppose I should establish my own festival. Like 'Pride' Glad to be Gay - celebrates homosexuality...how about 'Proud Too (or 2)' Great to be Straight - celebrates straight (HWSSWF)...I absolutely think that Festivals, such as Pride, should exist...but what about us? Single straight women? And single-mother straight women. We did not give up on ourselves or our children. We actually fart rainbows : )
I was very impressed with Elton John's recent commentary on the 'cutting excerpts' of his life story film. Russia screened it with parts removed. A sex scene and one or two scenes that were drug related. I've not seen the film, yet. I agree, it's a sorry state for a country who feel that these parts are un-viewable. Actually, sad and ridiculous in C.21st
Well. This is the thing. Today, on the phone, Virginia was asking me about my future gallery plans and how my work is going...I explained where I'm at with it, currently, and she gave me the best advice, after asking me...
'Do I think that I am not so much self-doubting and more inclined to be concerned about what others think of what I produce?'
Yes, to a point..which is not a useful attitude...the thing is this..when you are into changing it up, producing something different, reinvention, that is not necessarily similar to the last work...you have to ask yourself if it's going ok....where is this coming from...where's it going to...it's a part of the process...I'm rarely happy with what I produce because I always think that I can do better. I am my own competition....and worst critic. I don't think anyone can critisize me as well as I
Virginia recommended that I should believe that everything I produce is amazing. She said that Clive McCartney, at the gallery, always has this attitude - and because of it - he does extremely well.
So I thank you, Virginia, from the bottom of my heart. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Today.
She asked me if I have considered the Open House Festival. Of course. I have participated several times in the festival but I get very nervous about being in the mix with people whom I vaguely know. I'm not too keen on invigilating, because I cannot last the duration of my shift without going outside a lot. I feel claustrophobic, overwhelmed and twitchy if it gets busy.
Often times I don't like being asked questions about my work..because I don't really know how to answer without having an innate need to be sarcastic...if I find the question a bit bland or repetitive. It's knee-jerk reaction to, 'I think that you just asked me a stupid or over-asked question and I cannot warrant it with a stupid or intelligent answer...so... sarcasm happens'. It comes across as if I'm stand-offish. Being a Diva. To avoid it, I would rather discuss someone else's. Tout my own work? I'm not so good at it.
Private viewings are different. You attend for the evening, and it feels a more relaxed environment....and a celebration. I'm good at that.
So, yes. New mantra 'Everything that I produce is amazing'. No self-negative talk.
I will have an appointment for next week. Virginia informed me that she had sold three more pieces of mine, in my absence. Thrilled. I am, always. Thrilled that a collector, whom I have never met, has said, 'Yes, I love it, I want to buy it.... and has done so'. You would think, that after decades of selling my work, decades of production - that I would be less laissez faire about sales. I always feel elated and thankful. The gallery is still going for a little while and I need to look for other options very soon.
I feel especially delighted, because I produced this recently sold work during the end my mother's illness and straight after her death and funeral Aug/Sept, last year. At this time, my ex left me for dead and 'jumped ship' *(no regrets, we all have free will, our own life-path, karmic debt and reward etc. what is yours will always be yours, what isn't, isn't) Always send love and light to people who leave your life to chose another path and hope that it is for their highest good, health and happiness. It is difficult, but possible, to love someone from a distance, and to wish them the very best. Cliche, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. And it is hard to stay philosophical and rational when you heart has been shot to pieces.
** As Piaf would say, "Non, je ne regrette rien". My maternal grandmother played Piaf records a lot. Regret is a wasted emotion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzy2wZSg5ZM
That's not to say that it was not excruciatingly painful. And still is. It all depends on how you carry your pain. If you can carry it gracefully, then you are doing well. I felt as if, which I effectively was, going through both a divorce and a bereavement - which are statistically considered to be the top two most stressful life events - followed by moving house.
I have pretty much become a pro, at being single, because that is my status and certainly nothing to be concerned or ashamed about.
The earth still spins and the universe is in perpetual motion. I live and breathe, because that's all there is to do.
To have pushed myself was a difficult feat. I kept my focus. It was very challenging for me to produce, deliver, dress up, show up (and sell on the PV opening) because that's all there is to do - even though it felt impossible at the time.
Well done Laura. Congratulations to you. You are magnificent. You are worth it. Keep going.
For the grace of G-d go I.
I was recently asked 'Who did you vote for?'
I said, 'I vote for myself, everyday'.
* Acceptance. G-d's plan for you....isn't always what you think, or expect.
**Edith Piaf, the legendary French singer, had Venus in Capricorn in her natal chart. Although she had the Sun in the optimistic sign of Sagittarius, her artistic talent was expressed by Venus in Capricorn. Her songs seem to be very serous and dramatic. Her singing style, full of pathos and sadness, is very typical for Venus in Capricorn. Edith Piaf was wearing simple, modest black dresses which made her look more serious. Nevertheless, her modest style was very attractive and impressive. Edith Piaf became a legend and a great inspiration for next generations of artists. Her love life was complicated. She was searching for the perfect love, that’s why she was disappointed by men. Her second husband, Theo Sarapo was 21 years younger than her. Edith Piaf was raised in very poor conditions so she had to grow up very quickly. She had no time to enjoy her youth. Being in a relationship with younger man, she somehow could turn back time and experience youth in older age.
Sun and Venus, snap...I relate
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