A star. A*
Watching my baby getting her Honours degree at The Rose Theatre, Kingston was a moment that I will not forget. Ever. She had been in touch, more than usual, the week before.
She face-timed me in a changing room for my opinion on her Grad dress and her hair cut. I had advised her that the stage lights would be very warm and to remember to breathe. She moved flats, to Hammersmith from Kingston and got a new bed. My daughter is a lot like me in some ways, present and correct - when necessary.
I had driven to my Pa's house early Wednesday morning. Although my Pa is not the best driver, I knew that I would not be able to navigate the aggressive driving of London and the suburbs. I had had a car accident at the Kingston round about, three years ago. It was a set up. The other party went out for full compensation. I advised my insurance company that it was a fraudulent claim. They knew and were challenging them. I lost my road confidence, for a while - not based on my driving skills, based on other drivers - and their incompetence and/or A-hole behaviour.
After coffee and croissants we got onto the road. We like chat a lot in the car, usually about social and political issues. Sometimes music and film. Often, the mess of the world and how hard it is to navigate all of the BS.
We like to exchange anecdotes about periods of our lives, that we had missed or did not know. We are quite similar in many of our viewpoints. I have l aways been able to discuss things with my Pa.
We talked a bit about my diploma and degree experience (over 7 years part-time at Sussex Uni - in History of Art and Creative Studies)
I noted that he had not attended my diploma or degree ceremonies at Sussex University (I did not attend my degree ceremony - just my diploma, as I had too much else going on with my exhibitions and my family). His response to non-attendance was that he had considered that I had been very 'secretive' about my studies and degree. I had not, I just did not think that anyone was particularly interested (middle-child syndrome : ) We learn to quietly and conscientiously get on with our thing without making a song and dance about it.
I can auto-explete, during a sentence, and he no longer corrects me. My brother thinks it's funny when I do so - sometimes he tells me to watch my language in a public place. To which I respond "I don't give a fuck" (it's the way I express myself) ...and let's be real, not giving a fuck about what others think of you makes life 100% easier to navigate. What other people think of you is none of your business. Like you, hate you...that's all fine. Says more about them that it does about you.
We arrived in Kingston by 11:30 and we had to navigate the crazy-ass confusing town to find a parking spot. At this point I had to completely take over. The temperatures had soared and the heat was dripping, melting heat. I was very pleased that I had the foresight to pack my Chinese fan.
Then, it was a case of finding the theatre. I asked a mall shop assistant for directions and then just followed my instinct.
When we arrived at information desk it was a case of digging up the ticket email and being issued with three tickets and an ID card for my daughter to carry onto stage (which she was not aware of) I suddenly felt very much like my mother, dealing with the tech and practicals, feeling like the boss and then drawing attention to the lack of air conditioning while fanning myself profusely and being very direct and no nonsense, with a bit of sarcasm and a few smiles. I'm really not a dragon, I just like things to be organised.
I needed to explain clearly and concisely to my Pa about the procedures form here. He looked like a rabbit in the headlights.
Alicia appeared with her bestie, Suja. Beautiful and glamourous, the both.
"Mum, I don't know why you are complaining at the heat, I'm wearing this great heavy gown!"
"Yes, I know, but you don't look as if you are melting, you look cool and composed. I have sweat seeping out from every pore in my body".
By then my hair at the back of my neck was wet. I had to put it into a pony tail.
"You need this ID card for when you are presented, btw"
"Do I?"
"Yes, all grads have to carry this on stage"
(Your mum knows a few things - remember, I did this too)
I directed her to Grandpa, who'd found a quiet side seat, and advised them that I had to go outside. There was a slight breeze. I was melting, even in wearing the lightest summer dress. I was squatting by the theatre wall, watching all the grads, in their gowns, meeting and greeting. It was lovely and the excitement was electric.
I was quietly observing, taking myself out of the equation for a minute.
"Laura!", out of the milling groups of grads and families.
On reflex, you turn your head if your name is shouted - not knowing if it's directed at you or another 'Laura'.
Alicia, and friends waving. I jumped up.
"Come and have a quick drink with us at the pub".
Spontaneous hug and kiss from her bestie, Suja"It's SO nice to meet you"
Autosmile from me.
Then a few paces right, into 'The Ram', a student Green King pub (discuenta for Alicia, her employees).
Introductions; Suja and Emma's parents and siblings - all suited booted, dressed, excited.
Nice. My daughter brought me to the pub to introduce me to her friends and their families. I suppose that I have been the 'mystery mum' for the last two years and I got a feeling that my daughter was happy to admit that I was her mummy. That's nice.
Dry white for me, double Vodka for her.
Breathe.
Time to go back, check up on Grandpa. Leave ticket for bro, arriving from Bedford. Ordeal, pushing through a crowd to deposit bro's ticket at the other information desk. Challenging, but not so much while you are equipped with flapping fan, heels, smile and gritty determination to move people gently out of your way : )
Time for backstage Alicia, up to the upper stalls for us. Right of centre back seats, best view.
Nervous anticipation. That I had been through all of this myself at Sussex, I was not too perturbed. It starts off with the Alumni and post graduates and chancellors coming onto stage, seated, after the procession. Then, suddenly you are a part of the Harry Potter world, of gowns and academic magic.
A couple of speeches, my Pa getting restless and bored, my bro, adjusting himself - having only just arrived.
The first lot of the Kingston Art School department was the 3D lot (Alicia) and it was alphabetical - of course.
After the 'A' names, the 'B' names etc and a lot of 'L' names. Hoi Soi Ling, Lai Schu Ling, Schu Lai Ling, etc. The Asian students seemed to be in abundance.
'Alicia Rodriguez Wright, High Honours degree with commendation for Critical Writing'
That's my baby. Commendation for Critical Writing. Whoop, whoop, cheering (bro and me)
Stage right, off into wings hug, hug, hug. Three academics hugging all grads as the exited stage. Who were these? Must be course leaders.
I asked my daughter afterwards. They were her first and second and third year course leaders.
One of them, year one, was called Lucy - I knew of Greg, her third year tutor. I had advise her to appeal to him for extra support, during her broken ankle phase of term one and two.
"Lucy really pushed me in year one, I needed that, she is really nice....actually she's quite insane, like you!", which was a generous and honest admission.
"In what way?", interested in the insane comparison.
"She is really nice and kind and sometimes she gets into one"
"You mean that she has a bit of a meltdown, sometimes?" I already got the picture.
"So she was very encouraging?"
"Yes".
Ah ha! I mused. That's kinda how I brought you up, guiding you, helping you and - in my laid back and kind way, guiding but not dictating - letting you slowly go, letting you choose your options. In the case that you did not get complacent...the occasional little mum grrrrrrrrrr, to remind you that you can reach higher and to focus on your goals. This can make for successful teaching, even though it may seem erratic. It's a balance of love and tough love. When you are a parent, you are also a teacher. I believe that offspring must learn, quite early, to make personal life choices.
We all slipped out at the Fine Art part of the proceedings, after the Fashion Grads. My bro and I were the 'shoe police'. From the top seats you are viewing gown after gown, and shoes are the unique aspect of each grad. Some cool shoes.
How to get to the Boating Inn - where my daughter has worked for a couple of years? Ha. Navigating grandpa, again. Melting. Staying cool and calm, internally.
Arriving at the Boating Inn, next to the Kingston-upon-Thames Boating Club was a relief. My sister was already waiting with my nephew. Frayed? Just a bit.
My brother was nervous about my sister's mood towards him. "Just chill it. It's all about Alicia, today".
Our table was under the trees. Cool, river breeze.
Waiting on Alicia, in de-robing and swift one with her friends and colleagues.
She came in, some forty minutes later, in her black lace flamenco frill mini dress and her grad hat. Radiant and full of hugs and smiles. It was a lovely scene.
Chat, chat, chat and more chat. She was high on adrenaline, from the excitement of the day.
I watched her enjoying the limelight, glowing and shining. Proud of herself and grateful for the attendance of her family. Present opening and a tearful speech from my Pa.
My mother had prepared some jewellery for her for this day. She had taken a ruby and pearl brooch - that had belonged to my paternal great-grandmother 'Sarah' (my middle namesake) and had had a pair of earrings made. With her lace dress, ruby and pearl earrings, she looked more Hispanic, and very gorgeous.
By now, my sister-in-law had arrived from work with a huge bottle of Wherther's Original vodka (made by aunty Kerry, her sister) We all had a taste. Delicious. Caramel and vodka.
My mother was missed and I knew that she was there, in spirit.
"To absent friends", Alicia's father - who died when she was ten years old.
He was there in spirit. I could almost hear him, "Guapa, bonita, campion! Que beuna eres. Mi hija mas bonita. Te quiero. Felicidades, guapa".
I did not let it get to me. It was perfect, just as it was.
My flamenco-style polka dot dress, I had worn, subconsciously, with respect to him and his family. Lest we forget the Spanish roots and family. At times I look at her and I see her father. Absent friends indeed. Remembering, with love and gratitude, her grandmother (RIP) and her father (RIP) and my great-grandmother, Sarah. (RIP)
We toasted ourselves as the family who have supported my daughter, all of her (nearly) 22 years. And I toasted Leo season. Her season.
Over the course of the party, more friends and colleagues came and went. More lovely friends to meet. Everyone loves Alicia. It seems that everyone knows Alicia.
Photos where taken with her, every family member. Oh....like an after thought. "Mum, you must have photos with mum", observed both my siblings.
"It's nothing to do with me, she did the work...but I am her mum, I guess that gives some credence", I said.
Alicia dragged me onto her lap, stating that I am very light and would not squash her!
"Oh, not the wrinkled up nose, photos!"
"That's what you do, babe. It's you", said my sister, smiling.
It's true. I have always done that since we were kids. It's a 'shy' thing, when I am conscious in photos, I wrinkle up my nose. There, in a few photos, sitting on my daughter's lap wrinkling up my nose. May as well get used to it.
We had a few more drinks and ordered a bit more food. I don't eat much in the heat. I was drinking a lot of water, and a few Pimms
It was time for us all to go and leave Alicia to party on.
We drove back, my father was struggling to navigate out of Kingston, and by the time that we had reached the leafier roads he was relaxed. I had to advise him to slow down.
The other night, travelling back from Pa's, I had seen a dead and very young fawn on the road and it was very upsetting. To hit an animal on the road would be a devastation.
I drove back home, after a quick pit stop at his. The oncoming traffic headlights were as usually irritating to my eyes. It was nice to be home by 22:30. It had been a long, hot, sweaty but beautiful and perfect day.
Well done Amazing, Adorable Alicia! We love you. A*
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