LULU

I'm pretty sure that I have sung Lulu's praise before now. On Thursday I made another visit. This is how it figures.

I invest in myself. I have invested, unwisely, in too many people (other than my daughter and my pets) That's the best person whom you should invest in. I have a monthly visit to my osteopath - for RSI, spinal compression and locked-in life trauma. I have a monthly visit to Lulu, for a heavenly facial and upper body massage. These things...are so worth it.

Lulu provides a safe calm space. I undergo 75 mins of facial, shoulder and arm massage. When I leave, drive home, I can honestly say that I feel 100% better. Even *cabbies can't piss me off.

I like to bring her homemade cake. She likes to gift me home made vegan savouries. It's lush. We put the world to rights. At least in our discussions...about the fucked-upness of society. Social disease. Health and sanity.

She is one of those women who can drop the word 'c***' into a sentence without sounding crass. I guess that's like me. That word, when used in context and without aggression, well, it's powerful. When did you ever hear someone say, "Well, that person behaved in a really not very nice, really wrong, unpleasant, stupid-ass, ignorant type of way" ??? Like, never.

You use the word c***. Why? Because it's word efficient. One word that covers a sentence of nouns. If you call someone or something a c***...it's kinda specific. It's like, no one's gonna question you. "What do you mean by c***?"

There's no need to explain.

Then, you ask yourself about the 'p****' word. Just doesn't have as much power to it. Wonder why...no brainer..? Duh.

Call me feminist. Go on then. Thanks very much for the compliment. Love you too : )

When I was in Portugal I met a man who wore a T-shirt that had C***, C***, C*** emblazoned on the back. He is German. A friend of my friend. I liked him immediately, and he turned out to be a good guy. He helped me out. He helps her out.

Digression. So yes. Lulu. She's magic. She, last time addressed me as, "My Lover" (a west country term of endearment). This month's appointment, as I waited outside, she greeted me with "Hello, beautiful lady".

That means a lot when you are 53, exhausted and feel as if you are actually 153 years-old. It's like, "You called me beautiful..and I'm as exhausted as a 500-year-old-woman-who feels as if she is an old carcass, a raised-from-the-dead-mummified-person (at least that's how I feel some mornings) I thank you".

So. I did not leave with just a complete sense of rejuvenation, I had some Lulu treats...Yummy.

* Cabbies - for some reason or other (maybe they hate their job and are mega stressed) can be c****. Let's be real, they can be. Who has not encountered a cabby driving like a c***?

Today, I had a special encounter with a particularly idiotic cabbie. He was so full of himself. You know, knight of the road. 'I own the fucking road because I am a cabbie'.

Just for fun, I wound down the window of my car, gave him my best smile (which is big) and mouthed "w*****", with my middle finger. He couldn't handle it. He got aggressive. I smiled my biggest toothy smile (yes, it's toothy and how else could I get away with the things that I say??)

With a big w****** smile and a very explicit middle finger, I was laughing. He got stupid aggressive. It was funny. I looked behind me and another male driver was giving me kudos, let me out of my parking spot and waved. Then I drove off smiling, thinking 'Wow, you sad- fuck cabbie'.

In life, there's nothing more satisfying than giving someone a classy 'fuck-you and fuck off'

With a hair flick and a melon smile. Believe me...it's a great feeling...followed by a prayer for the sad fucktard. It goes something like this,

"I hope one day he will realise the value of women on the planet, and that without them...he wouldn't have life. Without women and girls, what a horrible place. We are the beauty and magic". God is a woman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHLHSlExFis

See, sad fucktard. Always pray for fucktarded men. They need it the most. And the women, who have no self-esteem, and look outside of themselves for appraisal. They also need prayer. Poor bitches. I have met many. I used to be one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thkh7wNdgoo

grafitti at Lulu's gaff

Lulu's

Lulu falafel and corn crackers

Life is sweet and savoury.