"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"
-Buddah
Yogi wisdom of the day.
My friend came by for a morning run and a chat yesterday. She told me of a man, a neighbour who let off a whole load of angry steam on her. It was to do with her car being parked too closely to his. Before she had a minute to defend herself, he was in full rant.
Of course, being a single woman, she was inclined to defend herself. Instead, she decided not to bite the bait and get into argument.
Quick to anger and slow to forgive, is how we are programmed. It should be a reversal. slow to anger and quick to forgive.
In doing the first option, we are acting out of ego (fear) and not compassion (love)
I always advise people not to bite. Step back, breathe and take a moment to realise that the 'anger' that another is projecting is about them. It is not about you. The magic is that you do not have to fight back, you do not have to bite the bait.
Angry people desire you to stoop to their level. If they can get to you, irritate you to be angered, they are literally robbing your energy. It is what they want. A reaction. In terms of simplification, some people like to pick a fight. Usually it is because they are battling themselves in one way or another.
The very best thing that you can do is remain passive and in doing so, you can diffuse the situation.
Some people hold onto anger and it shows. Just a small nudge and they can implode in your face. "Stay away from abrasive people, they are a vexation to the spirit", I read this in one of Joan Collins' 'wellbeing books', that she had gifted to my brother. I believe it is a quote from Confucius.
What defines an abrasive person? Someone who is not at peace within themselves, an angry person, a person who has no empathy for others feelings, a selfish person or a person who is full of drama and unhealed wounds - or even mentally/emotionally unstable.
It is the abrasive person who holds onto anger and expects the other person to die. In actual fact, the anger fuelled person is the one who is hurting themselves with their own poison (anger) that they wish to poison you with. It does not work like this.
When I am confronted with someone else's wrath, I tend to walk. Leave them to it. I am peaceful within myself and I have no anger towards others. I have been irritated by other people - from time to time - and then it is easy to create boundaries, especially if the irritation is down to another's behaviour. Abrasive and vexatious. You never know what demons they may be fighting or know their story or why they are abrasive. You never have to stay there to get 'rubbed like sandpaper'. Everyone is entitled to put up boundaries. I no longer entertain other people's drama. Period, point blank, zero. It has nothing to do with me.
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